Compassionate

I still feel lost. I still miss you. I still pray for you to come and give me the explanation. That’s all I need. I still have 1001 questions unanswered.

I miss you, I miss you calling me Beeshneesh. I miss you asking me “why so comel?” or “why so busuk?” I miss everything about you, about me, I miss how I am when we’re together, I miss US.

I pray that God will open your eyes and heart to give me the closure or at least to stop hurting me by ignoring me like this.

All I can say is, I’m lost. I may look as though I’m fine, but deep inside I’m lost. Everything that ive done within those 101 days, I do it to block you out from my mind. And I can say, not even a day that you left my mind. I’m so tired of this. I tell my friends, I’m fine whenever they ask me. But I can promise you, if anyone looks at me directly in my eyes, they can see the pain I carry with me everyday ever since you left. But some may just believe the lie I tell them when i say I’m fine.

I don’t know what to do now. I miss you, Beeshneesh so much..

2 days till it reaches the mark 90 days. I don’t know how I got through it but I know i had my family and friends with me. But as time goes by, being busy with shows and college, I thought that I’ll get over you, the feelings would fade away, but somehow, it doesn’t. I feel that, being busy and running away from it doesn’t help much cause eventually I will still think about you. I still do love you, I miss you. But I cannot do anything about it. We can’t even be friends? You can’t even talk to me as a friend? We were friends before, why can’t now? It really kills me inside.

I can’t hold this tears in. I can’t.. I just cannot. I miss you too much that I can’t even think straight. When will this stop? When will this misery end? I need for this to stop. Please, just please cut me out of this misery. Closure, that’s all I need from you. Put those ego aside. Please, have a heart..

Today marks 2 months since the day you left.. Only God knows how I can make it till this day. Everyday went by so slow that I just wanted to cry. It was painful, it still is. The silent treatment you gave and still giving, it’s a killer. It seriously breaks me into pieces that even I, myself don’t know what else to do. I’m pretty much making myself busy so that the day would go by a bit faster and that I wont dwell on it too much. But deep inside, it’s hard for me. It’s even hard for me to breathe sometimes. Can you feel the pain im feeling? Can you see that I’m broken, and lost? Yes, it’s all because of how I love you too much that even when you’re gone, I still look for you. I really hope & pray that you’re fine and you still think about me. Dear God, give me the strength to pull through. I really hope that soon, you’ll realize and talk to me.

I miss you Beeshnessh..

Thinking of everything that we’ve went through together. Why must it end? How could it end? It’s sad. Everything that we’ve fought through together to stay strong, everything we had to fight to be together, didn’t you think of that? Everything that we’ve sacrificed for each other, didn’t you think of that? There were things that tried to stop us from being together but we fought through it. Why can’t we do it now? If you could just for a second, close your eyes and think of everything that we have went through together, maybe you’d realize that we could make it work still. One day. One day, God will show you.. I hope and pray that He will show it to you soon.